After identifying all the have-tos in your day, you will discover there are some have-tos on your list that are indeed yours. Cooking meals for your five-year-old may be your responsibility. Driving your teenager to soccer may be your have-to. As you self-reflect on your daily actions, notice if you find yourself justifying why it’s important to take on responsibilities that might be better placed with others. Notice if your rational mind is coming up with some very good reasons why it’s vital for you to be your partner’s personal Siri. Healers and Fixers often come up with really good reasons why they must keep doing what they’re doing instead of allowing others to step up to their own mastery.
Transform Have-Tos into Want-Tos
Once you identify your personal have-tos, it’s very important to transform them into want-tos. Continuing to live a life of have-tos can be discouraging, stressful, and just plain not fun. We get crabby when we continue to do things we don’t want to do. And staying crabby won’t let you into the fifth dimension. It also may cause resentment. Resentment destroys. Resentment destroys things you hold dear.
Contained within every have-to there is a want-to. Find that want-to and the have-to will become much more tolerable. In fact, you might even begin to enjoy it.
Switch the I have to work out to I want to work out because it feels so good when I’m done and I get to read trashy tabloids while I’m on the treadmill. (start small here) I want to work out because I get to watch the sports channel. Turn the I have to make dinner for the five-year-old into I want to make dinner for Sara because I enjoy teaching her how to help and I get to talk to her about her day. I want to make dinner for Sara because I love to hear her laugh as she builds food-landscapes.
Pivot the I have to drive the teenager to soccer into I want to drive Sasha to soccer because I like the time we spend together in the car. I enjoy hearing about her successes. I want to drive Sasha to soccer because I enjoy watching her do what she loves.
Switch the I have to clean up after the dog poops to I want to clean up after Zeekie because dogs do dog-things and he’s fun to take for walks. I value our walks together. I want to clean up after Zeekie so he leaves no trace in the woods.
Find the one tiny thing you enjoy in I have to go to work. It might be: I want to go to work today because I can listen to NPR while I mindlessly enter data. I want to go to work because I get to learn new software programs and use my creativity to figure out problems. I want to go to work because I like chatting with the others there.
Find the one teeny thing you enjoy in: I have to pay the bills. It might be: I want to pay the bills because I get to spend the time in appreciation for heat and water and a phone. I am blessed.
What do you enjoy about that one overwhelming have-to? Look for something real that you enjoy about that activity, no matter how small it may be. Do this before you’re in the situation. Practice when it doesn’t count so when you’re in the midst of the have-to you have a strategy to de-charge it . Waiting until you’re uncomfortably in the situation is not an easy time to apply the tool.
Leverage the Tool for Your Personal Freedom
Transforming the have-tos that are yours into want-tos you can enjoy and embrace is big. Part of definition of Mastering Alchemy is to change the frequency of thought⎯your thought. When you can change the frequency of an uncomfortable, not-so-fun responsibility into a more neutral or even enjoyable want-to, you have taken one huge step toward greater mastery. Once you do this a few times, you’ll become a whiz at choosing your reality.
This is an amazing time to be alive. You purposely chose this time of Shift to clear out who-you-are-not and step up to be who you are. Everything in your rich reality is there for you to leverage and catapult you into a higher dimensional life.